Ever have one of those moments in parenting where you question yourself completely? How about full seasons of parenting where you fail over and over again? That sums up my year of potty-training my son, Josiah. Looking back now there are plenty of moments I can laugh at, however, while living it, those times were defeating.

Here’s how it all began…

My son turned 2, a mere 2 months before the arrival of our daughter, Melody. A couple months before he turned 2, a close friend of mine shared with me how her 18-month old son was completely potty-trained and that I didn’t need to wait until “he was ready.” I love my friend and value her parenting skills, so I borrowed her potty-training book and dove headfirst into the waters. After all, my son was 22 months old and I loved the idea of him being potty-trained before we had another set of diapers to change at home.

The idea of this potty-training method isn’t too new: little one goes commando for 3 days straight, learns how to use the potty and in the end is accident-free and wearing undies. I should’ve sensed trouble when he had 14 accidents in that first hour of day 1. Of course, I only purchased one set of undies, so I was calling my mom to pick more up at the store, while I ran a quick mini load of laundry. With boys, they recommend wearing undies instead of going commando because they get more of a kick out of watching themselves peeing. We did have a turning point on day 3 when Josiah figured out how to pee on command, which was amazing! But as the days turned into weeks, I quickly began to realize things weren’t working out. I went back to my book and realized I was micromanaging the situation. I would hover around, anticipating his next accident and continuously ask, “Do you need to go potty?” I stepped back and tried to be calmer – and if you knew me, my friends and family are always amazed at how calm of a person I am daily.

Despite my best efforts, I decided to temporarily hang up the towel a month before my daughter was born. After all, cleaning up poopy undies at 8 months pregnant (and with morning sickness still in full swing), was not a pleasant time. In the months that followed, Josiah began speech therapy for expressive speech through our Early Intervention program in Pennsylvania. I never really connected it until years later, but his lack of expressive speech made it a lot harder in his potty-training journey. He was at about 20 words at 2 years old, and none of those were about going to the bathroom.

As time went on and I began to find a new balance with having a newborn and a 2-year-old I felt it was time to revisit potty-training yet again with my son. I quickly realized though that backtracking in his training made it a lot harder to re-train him. He already knew how to use the potty, but he was older and more independent – and so the stubbornness in his training hit hard. Numerous tantrums and days where I did my best not to lose my cool were my new normal. I learned that if you’re going to teach your kids something, you have to be consistent – no backtracking, no wavering, no being wishy-washy, no fail to follow-through on consequences.

I vividly remember the biggest fail during our year of potty-training. It was naptime for Josiah and because he would always try to escape his room, I put a gate in his doorway to keep him contained. We have a video monitor, but the quality isn’t amazing, and I turned the volume down because I didn’t want to hear him cry. After about 30 minutes things got quiet and I figured he had fallen asleep. My husband got home from work not too long after and upon changing clothes, came downstairs and told me I should probably go check on Josiah. I went on upstairs and locked eyes with my sweet, charming, loving son. His hands were covered in brown. Then I looked closer and the gate was covered in brown. Then I looked into his room and his toy chest, carpet and bed were covered. He was in a pull-up, but obviously went poop and it couldn’t be contained. Poor guy was so upset though and I couldn’t bring myself to yell at him. I did what any parent would do in an oh-crap moment – I stuck him in the bathtub, clothes and all and began to peel layers off and get him cleaned up. Once he was safely playing in the tub, I went into his room to clean up the scene. Needless to say, I had somehow turned the volume back up on the monitor downstairs, because when Josiah and I came downstairs after the whole fiasco, my husband told me to take Melody and go to my mom’s house to have a girl’s night.

Speaking of – my mom experienced the wiles of Josiah’s potty-training around this same timeframe. She was watching him while I was at an appointment and knew he had to go number 2. He managed to go in the portable mini potty successfully, but as she was cleaning it out she quickly noticed something was off. Upon returning to the living room, she caught him pooping in the corner, up against the wall. Yes – he literally pooped on our living room wall. My husband still has a hard time believing this story, but my mom took photos for evidence.

As time continued, my son’s speech exploded and his potty-training skills did as well. I was beginning to wonder if I would have a son going to college in diapers. Thankfully, it just took time and consistency – and more than one girl’s night out for this momma. Looking back, these poop-scapades crack me up, but in the moment, they brought out such frustration in my parenting capabilities. So, if you’re elbow-deep in number 2 – don’t lose hope! In the right time, our little ones grow, mature and learn the skills they need to be responsible individuals. I survived my year of potty-training my son, and I know you will get there too with your little one!

Man, motherhood can really take it out of you.

You can easily get lost in the shuffle of life, decision making, constant neediness of kids and even the mundane moments of responsibility--like keeping up with never ending chores. It’s an amazing job. I don’t know of anything else that would be more valuable or rewarding than raising my four small littles. But, that doesn’t make it easy.

Finding Myself in the Shuffle of Life

It’s hard to make time for myself. It’s really easy to get lost, especially when you have small kids and may not talk to another adult during the day.

My husband works hard too, and I can’t just leave him with four kids after a long day of work to head off and do my own thing. Plus, I’d rather find an activity that didn’t require me to spend money in order to feel invigorated. So, I discovered “me time” at my gym.

Before you write this off as not for you, hear me out. I used to hate working out. I was a volleyball player and basketball athlete all the way through college, but I still hated working out. Give me something competitive and I don’t think about the workload for at least an hour. But put me on a treadmill and I’m dying in less than 5 minutes. Everything hurts. Everything is so boring. I give up fast.

Fast forward to being pregnant with baby #3.

I had two toddlers, ages 2 ½ and 1, that were a lot to keep up with. I started doing some yoga at home during nap time to try and stay comfortable during pregnancy. My husband decided to get a YMCA membership for the pool during the summer. I took the kids to the pool a lot, but that was it. During the fall, I had my third baby.

Then, I discovered the true goldmine of the Y. They have free child watch for kids six weeks and up. If you’ve ever looked into daycare or babysitters, then you know the exact value of 2 hours child free. I started taking the kids just to get a mental break for a little bit. But I also wanted to lose baby weight, so I put together a 30-minute regimen of a little cardio and mostly weights. That first step was two years ago.

Me Time at the Gym

In order to really get the most out of my time, I started listening to motivational podcasts and books on tape. Music is fine, but it doesn’t really give me another focus. The books on tape served as a source of inspiration and kept me distracted.

Once I got over that initial hump of feeling terrible for two days after every visit, it actually started becoming really enjoyable. You release endorphins working out and daily tasks start to feel easier when you are in shape. It naturally boosts your mood and energy levels.

And, I got the luxury of taking a hot shower in silence! No one banging on the door or potentially getting into some kind of trouble while I was busy. I even had time to blow dry my hair, dress in real clothes and put on some makeup. All this while the kids meet new friends, learn social skills and do fun things, like coloring and kids yoga.

PLUS, I did all this outside of naptime. If you are a parent of young kids, you know how valuable that naptime is for getting anything done at all during the day. “Wasting it” on a workout and shower was just one more reason to skip the workout.

Getting Certified

I didn’t stop with just me time. I turned it into more when I got certified to teach. Now my kids are watched while I’m paid to teach a workout class and then shower. Still me time, but even better. Not only do I get a little extra money for the month, but our membership is reduced to 1/3, we get ½ off classes and I can help people get into shape themselves. It’s rewarding, relaxing and being on the schedule forces me to come in when I might otherwise give myself an excuse to skip.

This all started with baby #3, but baby #4 came along not long after and I was very in shape for his whole pregnancy. I was still going to the Y 2-5 times a week until the day I was induced and I felt great!

Benefits of Healthy Habits

It’s important to find things that help you wind down and feel like yourself. I have never been a workout kinda girl, but this has changed me. And it’s changed me for the better.

My kids see me working out and they follow right along. They are interested in having strong, healthy bodies. I actually look forward to workouts and I’m making real progress on that baby weight.

Do you have a “me time” you can count on each week?

I recently attended a 30th birthday party for one of my dearest friends. Besides our anniversary, it was the second time my husband and I had a night out all year. As we sat at a table of strangers (to us), we quickly began discussing our lives with each other to find commonalities and deepen our conversations. We shared everything from how we met, our personal testimonies, our kids, and our careers. My husband is a middle school band teacher of 13 years, and has quite the background of experience, knowledge, and humorous stories to share. The young man across the table from us was a Harvard graduate with an incredible life story; and the young woman across the table from us was an occupational therapist who works with kids on a daily basis.

As the night went on, the moment came to share about my life and career. I have a bachelor’s  degree in marketing. I worked as a marketing assistant at Chick-fil-A right out of college, then I was a pretty incredible inside sales associate with CVS Specialty Pharmacy up until having my son. When he was born, I quickly decided that it was time to hang up my career hat and take on being a full-time stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). So, this is my current “career”, I’m a SAHM to 2 littles—Josiah (4) and Melody (2).

Then I heard the following question: “So what do you and your kids like to do?” I don’t know why, but in the moment, the answer to that question left me dumbfounded. It made me think of those college applications that have you list every extra-curricular activity you’ve done in your whole life and tallied up over your 4 years of high school and beyond. It caught me off guard and reminded me of these infamous questions I hear from time to time: “What do you do all day?” “When are you going back to work?” “Are you bored being a SAHM?” Sigh. The truth is, ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of being a mom someday. I wouldn’t trade this life for the world, and I’m certainly in no hurry to return to the work environment of an office atmosphere. The truth is, I know this is a blessing of an opportunity for me, as I know plenty of moms who can’t afford to stay at home with their kids – let alone have little ones in the first place. And the truth is – some days I barely survive, somedays I thrive, and other days I just take in every good moment and learn from the bad.

Motherhood is a 24/7 job with plenty of perks and a cornucopia of hardship, but there is no job more rewarding. So instead of asking the age-old question of “What do you do all day?” to a SAHM, why don’t you try these questions out instead. I promise you, they will be much more empowering and encouraging to her heart.

1. “What is something your kid(s) have done recently that made you proud?” Now that is a question I love answering, because it resonates with how my kids are growing and how I’m doing as a mom. I could discuss how my son has really begun maturing with little things like, using the bathroom all by himself or big things like, being brave and making new friends at the playground. This question resonates much more for me because it gives me an opportunity to share how I enjoy my motherhood and illuminate the sweet moments I capture in this “job.”
2. “What is something funny your kid(s) have done recently?” Laughter is such good medicine, especially for a momma who doesn’t get out much. I absolutely love sharing silly stories of my kids with others because I not only have plenty of them to share, but it’s good to look back at those good, bad, and (in the moment) crappy situations and laugh at them.  Moments like when my daughter uses her toy vacuum to clean up the living room floor (by literally just pushing every toy to the outskirts of the room). Moments like when my son tries to teach his sister how to spell, when she is only 2. And yes, even seasons of motherhood, like the year of “poop-scapades” my son went through before fully potty-training. It helps to look back, cherish and recount those funny memories because it gives perspective to how little ones think and how we have plenty of opportunities to love on them and help them as they grow up.
3. “What is something major you’ve learned since becoming a mom?” I realize this is a deep question for any mom to answer, but this question gives me a chance to show how much I have grown as a person since entering into the throngs of motherhood. I’m all about perspective, so sharing what it’s like in my shoes to someone in a different walk of life, gives me a sense of accomplishment. It’s an opportunity to save someone from making the same mistakes I personally made… For instance, conceiving our firstborn took much longer than I ever expected—I had a chemical pregnancy 3 months in, then it took an additional 4 months after that to get pregnant with our son. It was so difficult hearing people ask me when we were going to start a family, because we were trying so hard and had already suffered loss in our journey. Before we decided to start a family, I am certain I asked other couples when they were going to start a family; but after we began our own journey, I would be much more careful with such a question. You never know what someone is going through personally, and if you ask the wrong question, do your best to be kind and caring in your follow-up. Answering a question like this is far more fulfilling to me because it shows how much I have matured in my “career”—the bags under my eyes match the depth my soul has grown these past 4 and a half years (haha-put that on my next resume)!

Being a SAHM is full of many highs and lows. I have several days where I would like to just hit a button and restart. Then I blink and those days have flown so quickly into years. So please – ask me something that will support me as a SAHM. I thrive on encouragement. I don’t have a boss to give me a yearly review of my work; and I don’t get a raise or award when I’ve done my work well. The encouragement I do receive is when my little ones make me proud, when they bring me laughter, and when I look back and see how much I’ve grown since becoming a mom. I have sacrificed so much more of myself than I ever anticipated, but I know this season of continuously teaching and nurturing my children is just that—a season. I don’t know what the next season will entail, but I am going to focus on the here and now and soak it all in.

No one says being a mother is easy. But a lot of us get caught up in the glamor, not thinking about what those hard days are going to look like. When they do hit, we are surprised and left feeling like we aren’t doing it right. But those hard days are a part of being a mom.

My Worst Day(s) as a Mother

I have four kids, but my second infant was my hardest. Every one of my kids came with a frustrating need to be induced because labor just wouldn’t start on its own. My first baby was induced two weeks late when the doctor wasn’t comfortable with letting things go longer. My second was due December 18 and I felt sure it would happen again and he would be born on top of Christmas. I decided to get induced a week early on the 11th instead of waiting. He was a stubborn one and took 42 hours to show up. But that was just the start.

He was grouchy and probably had reflux. He was hungry 24-7 and I gave him a pacifier on the second night because he wouldn’t stop nursing. I had some kind of postpartum depression or anxiety. I’m not sure it was full on depression because I passed that hospital test with flying colors. You know, the one where they ask you if you feel like hurting yourself, cry more than normal, or blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault? Yeah, I was none of those things. But I also wasn’t feeling like I did with my first baby and I couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong.

This baby woke up every two hours night and day. I was sleep deprived, frustrated, sore, and hormonal. I wasn’t really able to juggle it all. I tried to ask for help, but I didn’t really know how. And, I didn’t really want to admit how much I needed it. Honestly, I couldn’t really even tell my husband how much I needed help.

It kept getting worse. After two weeks I remember being so sleep deprived I wasn’t even sure what I should and shouldn’t do as a parent. Would it be okay to just put him in a back bedroom, close the door and sleep for a few hours? I decided against that, but I didn’t know why it would really be a bad idea. I was that tired. So tired I couldn’t think through anything. More tired than I had ever been in college with art classes and huge project deadlines. At least in college I could binge sleep after a long spell of staying up.

With my new baby, I was only getting 1 hour (or less) of sleep. In college, I would just pull an all nighter rather than only get an hour. It hurts. Your body isn’t ready to wake up and I just felt nauseous every time. It didn’t help that the baby would wake up screaming like he was dying of hunger; he has his father’s metabolism.

I wasn’t connecting with the baby. I loved him by action, but struggled with how I felt. At the time he didn’t like me either. I didn’t realize it was postpartum struggles. Thankfully my husband connected with him far easier. And, after a while the feelings finally started to change.

But the Worst Days Don’t Last

I remember around 3 months I finally started to feel like he was my baby too. Around that time, I talked to a friend that gave me the idea to change his schedule from eating every 2 hours to every 3 hours over the course of a few days. I had been trying (unsuccessfully) to cut out a nighttime feeding, but this worked like a charm. Suddenly (after three days of slowly shifting the schedule), he was a different baby. Like night and day different. He was happy, finally. He slept for three hour chunks. He was still hungry often, but not with the same panic and desperation.

Anyways, those were my worst days as a mother. Not just one day, but a seemingly endless string. It was four years ago and I’ve had two more kids since. I love and enjoy all four kids. Nothing has been as stressful and bewildering as that time.

I’m not really sure what the takeaway is. All moms go through hard times. It helps to think ahead of time about what you would do or who you could reach out to when you are having a rough day. During that time I had two glorious nights when my mother-in-law came and stayed with the baby all night. That gave me an amazing boost of energy for the next few days after. For me, I had to stay on the path and just focus on acting like a mom even if I didn’t feel like one.

The Best Days are Worth It

In contrast, I’ve had a lot of days I felt great about as a mother. Usually my best days as a parent involve little-to-no social media. One random day that pops into mind was us working in the garden and the kids running around under the trees in our backyard, thrilled at how big they were and how much shade they offered. Another time that was great was taking my three kids to the pool and having my baby fall asleep in my arms floating in the water. My favorite moments are mostly the small and mundane. The worst part is, they are also fleeting and so easy to forget.

It’s hard not to feel like you are never doing enough as a mom. The online world is an amazing resource, but it doesn’t help us feel any better about our abilities as a mom. Pinterest makes everything look so fun and festive. Instagram makes everything look picture perfect. Facebook is all about the latest adventure and popularity.

And yet those same resources can also act like a diary of your favorite moments. Since my kids were born, I’ve been trying to post my favorite moments on Facebook and Instagram. Sometimes I get pictures or video, though I try not to make it take over the focus of the event. Toddler quotes are the absolute best, and it’s so fun to look back on those too. During hard days now, I love to browse my timelines and remember the little moments that are easy to forget.

There are good days. There are bad days. Everyone has both.

Hang in there, mama. And remember you aren’t alone. Reach out to someone who cares and is able to help until you get the support you need during those hard days. And, enjoy those beautiful moments with your babies as often as they come.

It’s finally here. The vacation you have been waiting for all year. You can already feel the warm sun on your face and smell the ocean. Then the realization hits, you have not started getting things ready like you said you would a week ago. And, not only do you have to pack for yourself, but also for your little monsters. Then anxiety starts creeping in and it has a root —traveling with kids.

By the time my daughter was 9 months old, she had been on 10 flights. It took a lot of trial and error to get it “right.” Now, a few years later, with another kid added to the mix and lots more traveling, I have somewhat gotten in my groove. Whether its flying or driving, these are my top 10 tips to try to relieve some of the stress when traveling with young children.

1. Make lists.

Most of the time I tell myself I’m going to pack and get things ready in advance. But if you’re anything like me, you're a procrastinator and it never works out that way. What I CAN manage to do is make a list. Its quick and I can do it anywhere when I remember. The mom brain is real. I put everything on the list for what I need. From toothbrushes, chargers, underwear and pajamas. I’ll even put the Xanax on the list (or lavender essential oil if that’s your preference), but who is going to forget that?! Even if you think you won’t forget these things, you might. Once my list of all of our essentials is done, it makes packing a thousand times easier. Just tell yourself, as long as all the items on the list are packed, it doesn’t matter. You'll be set with what you have—don’t sweat the small things you forget.

2. Bring electronics.

I know, I know.. not electronics! I was against them too. I swore up and down my kids wouldn't have iPads or Game Boys and all those things. The truth is, they can be a lifesaver on a long drive or flight. The Kindle Fires for kids have been amazing for us. To avoid boredom, I suggest waiting as long as possible to hand them over, and for the love of God—don’t forget to charge them.

3. Snacks on snacks on snacks.

I can’t even tell you how many times I have been asked for snacks on a car ride to the store, let alone a long ride in a car or flight. I have learned to pack every snack known to man that I can manage through security so I can avoid as many complaints as I can from my beloved snack monsters. It came to the point I had an entire bag designated to snacks! I filled it with 10 different packages of “yummies”. One day I came up with the idea to fill a bead box with a bunch of different snacks so I didn't have to lug so many bags around. You can find something better plastic wise I’m sure, but in a bind it was perfection. Not only did it give them all of their options at once, it also kept them busy for at least 30-40 minutes. They had their snacks, and I got out of being snack b**** the whole ride, #momwin.

4. Bring an extra outfit.

There have been many times I have overestimated the capability of a diaper and I’m sure I’m not alone in this.Your child takes their routine poop, so you think you're in the clear for a few hours. Not once, but twice, (you’d think I’d learn after the first time), have I had to carry my naked toddler out of an airplane bathroom after an intense poop explosion, and had to keep them that way until we landed because I forgot an extra outfit. Whether it be an epic bowel movement or a spill -- pack that extra outfit even if you think you won’t need it.

5. Don’t over pack.

I know I just said to pack an extra outfit, but overall don’t overpack. I am still perfecting this tip; I am a woman who loves to have options and pretends like I change my underwear 5 times while on vacation. In reality, we all wear the same few items the entire week and then we just have a massive storm of clothes to repack that we never even thought of wearing. If you can manage to fit everything into ONE suitcase - yes, i said one..try not to freak out - then do it. Nothing is worse than having numerous suitcases and only so many hands.

6. Pack basic medications in a small carry on.

I always make sure to grab all the basic medications like Benadryl and Motrin for emergency purposes, along with important daily medications. If you have an infant I also suggest bringing teething and gas medications. You never know when a fever, hives or pain will come on and it is better to be prepared.

7. Travel as early as possible.

I have traveled at many different times with my kids and have come to the conclusion that leaving earlier is easiest. When it comes to bed time, instead of dressing them in pajamas, I put them in their clothes for traveling the next day. This cuts time out of our morning, and we can simply just move them to the car and they are all set for the rest of the day. When they wake up super early, kids will usually fall asleep on the plane and that is a win for everyone.

8. Stroller vs. Carrier

This is a personal preference, especially depending on where your destination is. For my family, we bring both. Yes, the stroller is HUGE, but we use it to help carry all our carry on’s and the carseats. I strap a child on my husband or myself in a Tula, Ergo or something similar, and throw all the extra things to hold in the stroller. If you are bringing car seats, it’s a huge help since gate checking is preferred because checking car seats at ticketing can lead to unknown damage to the seat.

9. Bring little presents along to keep kids occupied.

I really try to think of ideas to keep the kids entertained. Once boredom hits, Mr. Hyde comes out, am I right? One of my favorite things to do is to bring little wrapped gifts along. This is where my Target obsession comes in clutch. I go to the dollar bins and pick up a bunch of different small toys and activities. I wrap them and then stick them in the carry on bag. The kids will get one small gift for every hour on the plane. This always works great for us, and it keeps my kids settled and happy.

10. Leave with plenty of time and expect things to go wrong.

This tip is probably the most important. You’re familiar with Murphy’s law, right? Anything that can go wrong, will. I like to remind myself of that, simply because it leads to less disappointment, and forces me to be well prepared. Wake up early, get to the airport with ample time, and slow down. It’s hard to remember to slow down sometimes since with kids it seems like chaos most of the time. However, I have found the less chaotic trips are when I slow down and expect things to go wrong.

I hope some of these tips can be useful to you! Laugh at the screw ups, and remember that everyone was a baby and young child at some point. Put on a smile, and remember that there is a destination and end to the traveling. Even though it can be the most grueling part, it also can make some of the best memories. Slow down so you don’t miss them.